| DECEMBER 2004 | |
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Posh 'n Becks, Simon Cowell, Coca
Cola Christmas ad, McDonalds Incredible inedibles, Blunkett, Bono
and Brown
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BERNARD GUSSET
- AFTERTHOUGHTS (Updated... now and then)
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THE EARS HAVE IT! |
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So Noddy's gone! Yes Noddy has at last fallen on Mr Plod's truncheon. Now its up to his pal..... wot's'is name... to pick up the reins, put his best foot forward and screw it up from here on in. Life goes on in happy clappy New Toy Town. Noddy has other things on his mind. It remains to be seen if Big Ears will continue with the knee jerk policies of his predecessor. Will he keep law and order as Noddy did whilst Mr Mayor is off in foreign parts playing with his favourite American chum, Old Red Neck. We'll have to wait to find out. |
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...and look, who's this? Why its Mr Plod. Good old chubby old "handy with his fists" John Plod who everybody loves. Why? Because he's always a Noddy when he opens his mouth and and all the people in New Toy Town love that, don't they children? And so do we! Hurrah for fat, pie eating old Mr Plod with his two cars and his motormouth mouth. He'll keep us laughing in 2005 and whilst ever he's deputy Prime Minister! |
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SOMEBODY'S 'AVIN' A LARF!
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How bizarre does it get that the clots at Madame Tussauds came up with this idea. "I know chaps, lets exhibit a nativity scene for Christmas and the obvious choices of famous people to play the parts of Mary and Joseph are the serene David Beckham and virginal Posh Spice, Posh 'n Becks, they're the obvious choice, no doubt about it." Then another voice from the other side of the room, "In that case the three wise men just have to be, George Bush, Tony Blair and Prince Philip." "Are you still chucking spears.... love those slitty eyes..." "'ang on, what abaht Kylie Minogue as the Angel Gabriel." "I like it, wrong sex but no one'll notice." And what do you know, they actually did it. Needless to say some idiot religious fanatic has damaged the display.(BBC) Presumably because they were so worried that people might actually believe that a wax Posh and Becks are the real Mary and Joseph - though with some of Britain's educationally substandard computer game playing, crisp guzzling couch potatoes, we wouldn't be that surprised. |
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AT LAST SOME COMMON SENSE
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 Sir John Stevens - Commissionaire |
Sir John Stevens retiring police commissioner, says people should be allowed to defend themselves against intruders in their own homes, even if they kill them. Well about time! How ludicrous is it that the burglar/thief/assailant - call him what you will, anything applies here except all round good guy - should have the protection of the law when breaking in to steal your property. Okay Mr Blair what should we do, invite them in, give them tea and biscuits, ask them to sit and put their feet up in a comfy chair whilst we rummage through our own property filling their swag bag with our goodies? |
| But that's tricky legally because
of course you run the risk of being sued for not plumping up the cushions
enough or only putting one sugar instead of two in the cup or heaven
forbid committing the cardinal sin of putting the burglar at risk from
one of the government's other pet concern's, being accused of forcing
obesity on them if they eat the whole packet of biscuits, "..it
wasn't my fault gov' the biscuits were just too tasty, I had to eat
them, I couldn't help m'self. (pointing at the homeowner) It was all
'is fault! " BBC Story |
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Afterthought: It seems like only yesterday the tabloid press and the government had us all worrying about an epidemic of anorexics wasting away with a huge media outcry demanding that something be done about it. Now the tabloid press and the government are howling on and on about obesity. Maybe we could get both groups together and they might then cancel each other out. Or alternatively both the government and the tabloid press should just shut up and let us all get on with our lives. If people are too stupid to work out the merits of eating too much or too little they deserve the consequences. We don't need a nanny state to tell us how to behave and as for the tabloid press, who cares what they think?! |
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SIMON COWELL GAY?! THAT'S HERESY
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 Simon Cowell - well preserved 50 something |
We think all this discussion about
whether or not Simon Cowell is gay is complete rubbish. It's clear
to see that he's all man, very butch. And to make that point absolutely
clear, you don't have to look further than his manly bodybuilder's
physique - spends hours in the gym and steam room so that he looks
good on telly - plus those tight fitting short sleeved black tee shirts
he always wears. What's gay about that? Look for a guy in his late
fifties he's really taken care of himself. This is a man of style
and clearly he takes his appearance seriously. Well when you're getting
on in years you have to work at it and clearly he has. So just let
the poor man alone you critics out there. Being a bastard evil son-of-a-bitch
on screen doesn't mean he's all bad - or gay. He's probably not like
that at all in real life; more your cuddly, kind, gentle pensioner
type of man.
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THE NEWS IS GRIM - BONO'S GLASSES
NOT COOL ENOUGH
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 Bonio (Singer) |
Hello! Hello! Yes it was bad news when Bono got news that his trade mark cool glasses were - wait for it - just not Hollywood enough! It could signal a breakdown for the 65 year old club singer who has always done his utmost to be a rock star, even under the most adverse conditions i.e. the re-recording of Band Aid's "Do They Know It's Christmas" when he very nearly didn't get to wail his party piece line "... thank god its them instead of us." Yes high drama indeed. But he insisted and won the day on the basis that if he didn't get to sing the line, his image would be considerably dented. It was then that it was noted that his glasses (sob!) just weren't cool enough, indeed they may have been last year's model. Oh no I hear you cry, but it might be true - although at this stage we are awaiting confirmation. All we can say is, there may be a career in children's entertainment waiting for you if all else fails. Good luck. |
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EXPECT A BROWN
CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR!
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 Gordon Brownpants |
Face frozen in its usual unsettling rictus smile,
the chancellor Gordon Brown, sucking air like an addict, delivers
his pre budget report to the nation. |
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POST ELECTION: Huge rise on fuel duty to correct pre-election
miscalculation |
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KILLER DAVID BIEBER GUILTY OF KILLING PC IAN BROADHURST
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 Cold Blooded Murderer David Bieber |
This slime from the USA or put another way, this cold hearted sadistic American murderer who would stop at nothing to have his own way and that includes killing anyone who gets in his way without a thought for their family or loved ones, has been found guilty of the murder of family man PC Ian Broadhurst. Well you've done it now Bieber, they're going to throw the book at you. The might of the British justice system will be levelled at you. He'll be inside for two or three years at least, though he may get out earlier for good behaviour after some time, reading and laying around his cell and chatting with new friends, discussing the merits of gun law, the day's menu and how much sleep he gets in the afternoon. There, take that you bad person you. It's a good job Britain has a real deterrent against such crime, where would we be without it! |
