The troubled liner Aurora has definitely lost its aura. With yet more mechanical problems Carnival, P&O's parent company, has decided to cancel the rest of its world cruise and is promising to fully refund its clients which is pretty decent considering that they have had a few fun weeks sitting in dock loading up on the booze and food and entertainment for free whilst some of the repairs were carried out - all this at the expense of Carnival. A bit like being in an up market Butlins I imagine. Anyway not too many have kicked up a fuss, though why they should as they're not paying a bean for any of it. One of the first off the cruiser was an entertainer called Maurice Lee who allegedly remarked, "These are hardened cruisers - it's the British, the bulldog spirit," Yeah spirit of the blitz, just like fighting for King and country Maurice only with more food and booze and cabaret.

They eventually got under way and made it as far as Isle of Wight but then the trouble started again and the cruise was cancelled. Some of the passengers got wind that as part of the emergency entertainment they were to be subjected to Paul Daniels and all hell broke loose. Passengers were threatening mutiny, jostling each other for the life boats and as a near riot broke out, the captain finally agreed to turn the ship around and head for home before someone took matters into their own hands and opened the bilge cocks. At least one guest was seen on the promenade deck on his knees praying for an iceberg until it was pointed out that they hardly ever occurred near the Isle of Wight to which he replied, "...well we've paid enough bloody money, couldn't you tow one here....!" Now the question is, will this damage their cruise business? That depends whether Carnival P&O will still be able to afford top flight acts like Paul Daniels and Little and Large.

George Dubbya Yeeha! Ride-em Cowboy Bush, the Homer Simpson of US politics, pictured left working on foreign policy and matters of world importance, is to be sworn in today (January 20th 2005) as President of the United States of America for a second term of office in which he will try to solve the problems of world peace and freedom by making war on Iran and anyone else who upsets his Texas barbecue cook out. Yep Freedom! That's the name of his game this term and he'll get it no matter how many people he kills in the process. From the golf course he'll tell his soldiers to fight bravely, "...now just watch me drive this shot!" Meanwhile a lot of other Americans who had the sense to vote the other way will be having a swearing in of their own "....Jeeze that goddamn golf playing, fishin', lazy good for nothin' war mongerin' right wing country hick is getting inaugurated again dammit. Dammit all to hell?" As with his views on the Kyoto agreement, the rest of the world can go fish while he goes a fishin' and a shootin' and a huntin'.

Can you believe what you're looking at. British soldiers and Iraqi looters caught rifling a food depot. We are quite naturally disgusted by these images. They do nothing for our image abroad and put us in the frame with the Americans who were photographed in Abu Ghraib prison. Just look at them. The chaps in the bottom photo haven't any clothes on - just what were they up to. They've got their thumbs up. Did they have anything else up I wonder? Its not a good composition though. Well is it? Abi Titmus wouldn't be seen dead in a pose like that, though as to whether or not she takes it up the chuff is another question entirely to which the answer would probably be yes since it would make her even more money. What about that chap surfing a prisoner in the top photo. He's clearly out of uniform, what was he thinking? Yes they're a nice pair of shorts but are they regiment? We don't think so. And why couldn't he wait to get to a beach. You see, you really don't get the authentic feel of the surf in a loading depot? As for the middle photo of a guy wearing an over sized hair net. Is that really news? Surely a little gel or men's hair spray would have been more appropriate. Clearly that man with him is giving him grooming tips.

Of course these pictures are as nothing compared to the Abu Ghraib pictures. There's that Lindi England (no doubt in films to be made of this event, Hollywood will interpret it as being down to the English thanks to her name and now of course we can't dispute it) walking a man on a lead, I thought she was a boy at first, then at second and also third etc. Finally I realised that it was a girl of ambiguous gender which shows how well she photographs! Let's just hope that in future, the British army will lead the way when it comes to humane photography. After all a picture is worth a thousand words, don't you think?