| July 2004 | |
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David Beckham tattoos,
Prince William losing hair, Ray Parlour
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BERNARD GUSSET
- AFTERTHOUGHTS (Updated... now and then)
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STOP PRESS : ...EWAN BLAIR TO SERVE HIS COUNTRY IN IRAQ............................ ....only joking. He's staying at Uni', getting drunk and generally pissing it up as usual. |
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PARLIAMENTARY COMMITTEE
RECOMMENDS CHANGE IN HONOUR'S SYSTEM
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| Instead of Knighthoods and Dames a parliamentary committee have recommended that such titles be dropped. It also suggests that the word "Empire" be dropped from honours and the word "Excellence" be used instead. Presumably they will also recommend the "Merit" and "Gold Stars" be awarded and for the very good a book by Jules Verne or Daniel Defoe. Of course, in a society governed by a body that believes there should be no competition in sports and that we should all be winners, we will all be awarded Merit badges so that none of us feel left out. For those that misbehave, there will of course be detention on Saturdays overseen by one of the head boys, Prescott or Livingstone. May we suggest the award of a Harold Wilson perhaps where the recipient is awarded a pipe and Gannex raincoat. Is it us or are we slipping gradually towards communist ideals the longer this government remains in power? | |
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HAIR NOT
APPARENT
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 Heir today...................... gone tomorrow? |
Prince William could be seen exerting himself in a good cause when he attended and ran for Sports Relief to raise money for disadvantaged people around the world. However , the wind flowing through his hair revealed that he may not have it for long. He seems to possess the classic Windsor hairline and is destined to be bald before too long (see left) Without his hair, he bears a striking resemblance - we think - to family man and film producer and uncle, dear old Prince Eddy. |
| Hopefully he has more tolerance of us plebs and a bit more tact. Apropos of the hair thing, Prince Hal by contrast seems to have inherited the Spencer hair and will probably have a good thick head for life. | |
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THE AMBITIOUS WIFE
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It is now clear why Karen Parlour, ex-wife of Arsenal soccer star Ray Parlour, needed to increase the settlement from her husband's earnings - from £250,000 a year (and she got a couple of houses) to a huge £406,000. She needs the money as she plans to become a soccer star herself! Yes that's the word on the terraces. What she'd really like is to take Ray's job as she feels that its rightfully hers. Well she was married to him. That gives her automatic entitlement presumably in the eyes of the law. First of course she's got to prize her arse off the snub and get herself a sex change - though as you can see from the photo (Right), she's well on the way to becoming a man. All she needs now is the dick and no doubt she'll take her ex-husband Ray to court again so she can get his. Well she might as well, she's had just about everything else of his. No point in jumping off a moving gravy train is there love? |
 Karen Parlour awarded vast percentage of husband's future earnings |
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*
Harley Davidson*
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.jpg) The choice of grumpy old men everywhere! |
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It Must Be Euro 2004 (We wos
robbed!!!!)
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Govt. To Announce
Special Car Lanes for Sharers
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| Wonderful news for drivers. The Government are proposing that there will be special lanes on roads and motorways for cars with two or more people in them meaning that solitary drivers will be stuck in even more traffic - as the lanes will probably be culled from existing lanes no doubt - whilst ministers swan by in their chauffeur driven limousines (2 people you see so that's okay). Maybe the rule should be that ministers should have to carry two people not including the chauffeur and security guard, preferably someone not in government, a real person, an ordinary person from the real world, to justify the huge cost of privileged ministerial transport. In fact if the same rule applies to the ministerial limousine service, perhaps all the limos' should be swapped for SMART Cars. Now wouldn't you just love to see old fatso Prescott crammed into a smart car with either a chauffeur or his wife's hair? |  |
| Read Article | |
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DAVID BECKHAM - YET MORE
TATTOOS?!
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| David Beckham, depressed presumably by his inability to control the press decides that the best thing he can do to throw them off the scent is to.... yeeees get another tattoo, this time on the back of his neck. How attractive is that... NOT! What a great role model and wont little Bronx... sorry, Brooklyn be so proud of his old dad when he grows up. Wonder if they've tattooed him yet or got him pierced. Coo-o-o-o-l! Get yourself a leather waistcoat, a chopper and a German helmet then you can pretend you're a biker gang member. What's the next trend you're going to set Dave, high heels and dungarees? Been done mate. Self mutilation is a symptom of a distressed mind, an attention seeking device which Beckham has employed to great effect. He's getting all the attention he craves. Well at least one minute he craves it, the next he can't stand it so he does something barely noticeable like shaving his head and tattooing his neck so high up it's just at the base of his skull. What's he going to do next, invade Poland? However, Bullshit News believes David Beckham has another intention in mind. We call it the Michael Jackson syndrome. We think he's slowly but surely inking in his skin in an attempt to gradually turn himself black, just as whacko Jacko is turning himself white - albeit he insists its a skin condition.. "...it's all a big lie..." Given all the rumours about his home life (alleged) we wonder if he has room on his arm for the words "Bus Depot" in Hindi. Bare it in mind David. | |
