"Really it's the bitter end, first I make David a wonderful Irish stew and he doesn't even touch it, then I offer him kinky sex - I promised him I'd dress up like Ruth Kelly and take him from behind - but even that was met with indifference, and now I find out he couldn't be bothered to tell me that we'd paid off the £350,000 mortgage. A piddling amount I grant you but he could have mentioned it over the Kedgeree. But no, he sits behind his blasted copy of Star Wars Magazine making those bizarre laser noises and mumbling obscene remarks about what he'd like to do to Queen Amidalla with a Toblerone and a litre of baby oil and completely misses to opportunity to distract me from my morning prayers to the lord.... Tony! Now I find out he's been eating Spaghetti behind my back and taking lessons in Italian. Senor Pepperoni has a lot to answer for. Anyway, I've left him. I warned him, I said a while back, if there ever comes a time when you get given £350,000 and you neglect to tell me about it we're through... until the whole thing's blown over... however many days that takes." Now that's what I call being firm.

Yes the Liberals are back with a purpose and a knee bandage and some linement. It's clear from their leadership election they're going for the youth vote. That's why they've voted to be led by grandfather figure Emperor Ming. Unfortunately, the ones who will identify with grandfather Ming are as yet too young to vote, though they should connect with his paternalistic approach. In the role of parental figure he's said that as yet Charles Kennedy is not yet ready to take part in his shadow cabinet, "Have a nice nap and deal with this drinking issue young man and we'll see... that's if you're a good boy." Kinda ironic that Charles Kennedy looks like an overgrown schoolboy, some would say, as he's being treated like one. Anyway, the word is that by electing Sir Ming to the leadership, the party faithfull - identifyable by their greying hair and placards reading "Vote Liberal - after the election", they have confined the party to a permanent third place until such time as they elect a more representative and younger head who will look like he's got somewhere to run to rather than look back on where he's run from.
PS - Perhaps they should rename the party, The Protest Party as it seems most people vote for them when they want to teach the other parties a lesson.