| NOVEMBER 2004 | |
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the best bullshit satire and fun
on the net
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BERNARD GUSSET
- AFTERTHOUGHTS (Updated... now and then)
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STOP PRESS : Bush ditty - we came across this little re-working of the Beverly Hill Billies Tune and found it amusing if not poignant Click |
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BLUNKETT SEEKS
DNA TEST
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 Kimberly Quinn (nee Fortier) and stud David Blunkett |
David Blunkett is seeking a DNA test to establish if he is the father of Kimberly Quinn's (nee Fortier) 2 year old son William and a second child she is carrying due to be born in February. You had sex with David Blunkett!!!? Dammit woman - are you blind! No but she allegedly said "I so want to have sex with a blind man." Kimberly love, get some help! (And if those aren't the eyes of the unhinged (Left) what are) |
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YES IT'S BACK! DO WE CARE? NO
WE DON'T
SOME SUGGESTIONS FOR A RENAMEOF "I'M A CELEBRITY GET ME OUT OF HERE!" |
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"I'm a Has-been There's Nothing
To Lose"
"I'd Like to be a Celebrity but I'm Not" "I'm No Longer Recognisable Perhaps This Will Help" "I'm So Naff They Thought I would Fit In" "My Agent Says This Is A Good Career Move" "I'm So Talentless, Why Not?" In a program that was utterly crass and banal to start with, it now has added direness with the hiring of Tara Palmer-Tomkinson and her one brain cell to, well we assume commentate or at least scream and interrupt when ever she feels like it with what she mistakenly thinks are witty remarks. |
| They are in fact dull dull dull and predictable half garbled, coke fuelled unintelligent banalities. Just goes to show what crap is being employed as program makers these days. Overpaid idiots with little or no talent, just rapidly diminishing luck! God help us all. We'd rather watch the Chuckle Brothers frankly. At least they're funny Tara! | |
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WHO YOU CALLING IMPOTENT....? |
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| "OK so when it comes to
doing something about the Sudan thing, we talk about it a lot. Look
we've got a cushy deal here and we see no need for urgency. We don't
want to kill the expenses cow if you get my drift. It doesn't affect
us personally so why rush things. Okay so a few people out there get
killed or or raped.... but hey what're ya gonna you do? Its nothing
to get worked up about. We just have to hang fire for a while and hope
it blows itself out. I mean what would you want us to do, go in there
and stop it? Be realistic. Look, it isn't as if it was on our doorstep.
Hey you think they got it bad. Let me tell you that sometimes the room
service at my expenses paid hotel takes more than twenty minutes, does
anybody give a damn about that? So you see my dilemma. See, I'm not
paying for it so I don't see how I can complain. If I was paying, I'd
haul their asses over the coals, get my drift. Look the guys running the Sudan have assured us they wont harm their own people, so we gotta believe them. Well don't we huh? I mean would they lie to us, would they? I don't think so. We're all brothers under the one flag so to speak. Don't you worry about a thing. It'll sort itself out sooner or later. Listen I gotta run there's a reception at the Waldorf and I don't wanna arrive late and miss all the shrimp!" |
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"4
MORE BLOODY AWFUL YEARS...." |
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 Alfred Dubbya Bush |
4 more Years of goofy leadership ....4 more years with a comedian's dream come true |
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HOORAY
FOR THE NEW LABOUR AND MR BLAIR
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There's some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that the morons at the privatised Royal Mail - renamed Consignia by its brainless fuckwit board of directors in 2001 who decided that Consignia sounded better than Royal Mail (ignoring of course that it has been called that since it was founded in 1635 by Charles I) presumably because they are so half brained and thick - the current load of arse heads have decided that a whole bunch of main post offices should now close - 160 to be precise - to save money. Of course we don't need them; just standing at the back of a queue 50 deep tells you we don't need any of the main post offices so it makes sense to close them doesn't it Tony? So much for your seven years in office, seven years of blaming the last Conservative government for just about everything from the health service they still haven't fixed, to global warming and the weather. bbc However, the good news is that even though we'll not be able to post a letter or parcel anymore, the government are hell bent on making sure we can gamble ourselves into oblivion and bankruptcy with the utmost ease. NOW we know why we voted for Mr Blair! |
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YOU CAN ALMOST HEAR THE DUELLING BANJOS
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CHERIE BABY.... (I.T.M.A.) ITS THAT MOUTH AGAIN!
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Cherie's mouth has got her into trouble again, this time accused of saying something disagreeable about George Dumya Bush. Heaven forbid she should say anything good about a man who's made his nation unpopular world-wide with right wing attitudes, an inability to string words together a propensity for being on holiday during crises not to mention dragging Britain into the thick of it. Good on ya babe though I don't imagine Tone was too thrilled. |
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SAMANTHA FOX'S TITS
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We couldn't see the point in showing the rest. Well why waste the space with more wasted space? |
