| November 2003 | ||
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Johnnie Wilkinson
and the rugby World Cup, Percy Sugden, James Murdoch and Sky
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BERNARD GUSSET -
AFTERTHOUGHTS (Updated... now and then)
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| STOP PRESS : Jacques Chirac is claiming that England's victory in the Rugby World Cup is not just a victory for England but also a victory for Europe. No it's not Jacques its an ENGLAND victory, full stop. You're thinking of war where one country takes on a dangerous dictaor for example and other countries support that action so then all can claim the victory, like in Iraq for example.... oh... except.... never mind..... | ||
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Check out the Classified
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<<<< SPECIAL >>>>
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BORING?
I DON'T THINK SO
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AUTRALIA DEFEATED
BY ENGLAND 17 - 20
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| Despite the un-sporting tactics of Australian tabloid journals to undermine the British determination to win the Rugby World Cup, and at times some questionable refereeing, England triumphed in the final, beating Australia by 20 points to 17. Johnnie Wilkinson and the team kicked the doodoo out of the winging Ozzies. The Australians played a good game but the English team played better and won the day. England have had to endure playing away from home and facing jibes that they were boring, winging poms - yeah yeah the same old endless drone, "...change the record guys... you're not so interesting yourselves and you seem to never stop moaning about the British." One element of the press urged people to sound car horns outside their hotel to stop them from relaxing or sleeping. Pathetic! The baised press comment failed to work for England were determined: or perhaps it did work. Without such psychological mind disturbing hack journalism England would probably have slaughtered their opponents. It seems sad the Australian press sunk so low resorting to such desperate tactics that really couldn't have represented the national psych of most Ozzies known for their fairness and determination, honest bravery and get up and go. Had I been an Ozzie I would have been disgusted and ashamed of such underhanded attempts to win that cup. However it makes victory for the English camp that much more sweet and if you feel ashamed now, and you should, you only have yourselves to blame. | ||
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WE LOCATE THE
LOVE CHILD OF PERCY SUGDEN AND PHYLLIS PEARCE
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Bullshit News believes this is the love child of Percy Sugden and Phyllis Pearce of Coronation Street. With ratings not as good as they were, this discovery might just awaken interest in the ailing program which hasn't seen good ratings since the blood letting when a notorious 14yr old casting director who took over, fired all the great old charcters because HE thought they'd had their day. Amongst those unceremoniously axed, the hapless and amusing husband of Mavis Riley, Derek, who ended his days in a having a heart attack in layby in Bollington Lane, just outside fashionable Alderly Edge in Cheshire since when it appears he has not worked since. Anyway the resemblence is clearly obvious. The hair belongs to Phyllis, the moustache to Percy "Ooo Percy..." That just might be Percy's nose too, the resemblence is uncanny and indisputable. When we showed him our comparisons a Spokesman for Granada remarked "...you what!? Bloody hell." We leave you the public to make up your mind. Frankly we... well we're off to the cafe! |
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IS
A CAREER AT SKY THE JOB FOR YOU?
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| You too
can have a rapid rise in success if you join BSkyB. Why in no time at
all you'll be scaling the corporate ladder and making headway. In just
a few short years and with hard work you could become CEO, yes we said
Cheif Exec, within a few short years as a reward for your tireless endeavors.
With the position go the privileges and wealth you'd expect, meeting
Prime Ministers and Royalty, the very wealthy and the elite. No grubbing
about in the stationery closet with Miss Proing the secretary, for you.
You would have ambition and there would be places to go and people to
meet. It would be an endless round of chauffered limousines, banquets
and high end parties. So what does the job require of you. Well for
a start you will need to be the sort of person used that lifestyle.
Climbing the corporate ladder and back stabbing your opponents will
not be essential as all that will have been put in place for you. Jumping
the queue will be a natural ability and something you will have no conscience
about and finally, you may need to kiss ass several times a day. Plese note this position requires that you have the surname Murdoch and that your father has a majority holding in the company. |
 James a recently successful candidate who filled all the requirements of the job. |
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PRINCE CHARLES
HAS A SECRET
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 "...goodness... just like a pickled gherkin..." |
RUMOURS ARE RIFE... The press are scrambling to get dirt on recently leaked inside information from within the palace that Charles was involved in, or privy to, some kind of incident that occurred within the royal household. Speculation is rife and tabloids are baying like hounds at the prospect of juicy salacious secrets - the gossip machine is in full cry, "buehalloo" - the more depraved the better. Well we can reveal that it was in fact no more than a brief assignation. Indeed, why shouldn't Charles invite a turnip home from time to time. There's no truth in the rumour whatever that he slept with it.... |
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...or that they had a relationship of any kind apart from which, there was celery present, a bowl of peaches and some particularly alluring and sweet natured daffodils - just good friends - in a vase on the grand piano. Prince Charles' secretary Sir Michael Peat (no, seriously) made a forthright announcement to nip the rumours in the bud. Now the press just wont rest until they know the truth for by making the statement, he has confirmed that there is something the public would just love to know. |
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