MICHAEL CARROLL – THUG – CRIMINAL – oh yes and lottery winner!

Since winning £9 million+ on the lottery Michael Carroll of no fixed ability, has done everything in his power to get back at the world for his existence, at least it seems that way though you’d think he’d be grateful for how life has treated him thus far, considering he was a tagged criminal at the time. Not a bit of it. He’s a man – for want of a more appropriate word – who’s mission in life is to take and never give. Winning the lottery was not enough, making others miserable is his other mission in life it seems and he’s doing just fine at that. In a revealing interview on the ITV program Tonight with Trevor MacDonald, it was clear just how banal are his ethics also how selfish, moronic and dense he is. Clearly terrified of his own shadow, the first thing he did was to run away when the TV crew turned up, even though he was expecting them and despite being supported by an entourage (look it up Michael, if you can read) of hangers on. Oh yes there are plenty of those and there always will be, until your money runs out Michael. See how long they hang about then.

Then - pennies from heaven
Then – pennies from heaven

By way of entertainment Michael and the posse of yes men he has surrounded himself with, spend the days beating up and trashing old cars from a local scrap dealer. Its about the best they can come up with given the combined intellect between them. The scrap merchant must think all his birthdays have come at once with the amount of cars they get through. This he does in a field adjacent to his house which he bought from a local farmer. The trouble is he has neighbours and they have to suffer in silence whilst stupid Michael and co. drive almost daily demolition derbies at all hours of the day and night never caring whether or not they disturb others in doing so. These wrecking sessions are fuelled by liberal alcohol – d’you buy that Michael for your friends, yes I’m sure you do. With typical yob culture philosophy he believes it to be his right seeing as how he owns the field. Living next door to this cretin would try just about anybody except perhaps his parents who would probably say of him that he is just high spirited as do so many useless parents who have no control.

Now - not the smartest apple in the barrel
Now – not the smartest apple in the barrel

Michael hasn’t yet passed his test by the way because he’s too thick or too scared to risk failing. Like all bullies he can dish it out but can’t take it so doesn’t at least he hasn’t yet. That doesn’t stop him bragging about how indestructible he is on the race track. The police of course are powerless and reluctant to do anything – though they have recently agreed to mediate – fat lot of good that will do with a man who doesn’t want to listen to anybody. No they can jail men like Tony Martin for defending himself against burglars but try to interfere with a man who makes the lives of others unliveable and they don’t want to know. He’s got rights. Maybe they should go round and check to see if any of Michael’s cars have empty water bottles and arrest him for that. The local MP Gillian Shephard is powerless too it seems and local council are moving at a snail’s pace.

Oink oink! - Muppet!
Oink oink! – Muppet!

Michael’s terminally unattractive sister and Miss Piggy look-alike (right) – sorry Miss Piggy – firing on her one braincell seemed very happy to speak up for her brother. She smiled smugly and couldn’t care less what her brother did. Let’s face it, none of Michael’s “friends” or family are going to say a word against him while ever he’s doling out the dosh. You see Mike baby, they’re all on your gravy train luv and you will never ever be sure it’s you they like or the money. He’s set the pattern and its one that’ll be hard to change for a man who needs yes men around him. The paranoia will be small at first but then it’ll start to gnaw at him. He’ll be coughing up forever because the minute he stops, envy and greed will take over, he’ll lose them or find himself in the midst of a dangerous situation.

Feuds will start and people will take sides and he’ll just get more and more paranoid until he doesn’t know who to trust, not even his closest and oldest friends. Its then when people like him usually have a sudden revelation and a nervous breakdown. If he and his girlfriend Sandra split, she’ll grab a sizeable chunk of his loot as they had a baby in December. Any girl who came along after her would more than likely be after him for one thing, his dosh which means that its goodbye to marriage and love. Who could he trust? No one. They’ll tell him just exactly what they think he wants to hear. He’ll never be sure. But that probably doesn’t bother Michael. There are hookers and tarts. Just as long as he doesn’t get one with HIV.Of course there is another matter he must consider. Given his way of life, he must now be a mark for someone to come after him and his money. He has exposed his position. Given that half of Britain now knows he lives near the A47 in Swaffam in Norfolk, it wont be hard to track him down. All the Rottweilers in Norfolk wont protect him. Its possible the underworld seeing one of their own make good, may want to wrest his ill gotten treasure from his grasp through protection or some such. Hope he sleeps well at night (actually we don’t give a damn). But then its possible, given that he’s now made himself a target for his own kind that he doesn’t, which is probably why he keeps his neighbours awake!

house
Carroll’s £350,000 slum

Return home to Bullshit News.