THE UK PREPARED FOR TERRORIST ATTACKS

The good news is that we are well prepared for this Al Queda chappy who seems to be hell bent on getting drummed out of the brownies. Clearly out of his tiny mind, he now has it in for Britain after giving the ozzies a bit of a panning in Bali – something we haven’t yet been able to do to their cricket team. So are we prepared? Well I gather that we are. Since last week when there were fears that he was to loose a gas attack on the London tube (I’ve been doing that successfully for years) it has been announced that measures are in place to make sure that this and other target areas are well protected with early warning systems in place. For example, the government have insisted – possibly Tony Bleagh himself – that an extra man is stationed just inside the entrance to Ealing Broadway station with instructions to report to his head of department (not after 6pm when he’ll have gone home for the night) in the event that he has any suspicions of shady characters boarding the tube with possible intent. At First, Ken Livingstone was against the idea saying wasn’t it better to just put fares up instead but after John Prescott’s intervention – a swift punch to the solar plexus and several violent threats involving the driving over his body in a new Jag – the matter was solved. What’s more all nuclear power stations are, I am reliably informed, fully protected by a man with a brush. Just the one man of course to save expense but he has a bicycle and a pass for the railways – when they again start to run on time. Briton’s can sleep easy knowing that such preparations have been made.

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